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:iconr0butt:R0BUTT posted a status
I missed a rly old icon I made so... I'm.. bringing it back JKHGFJ

Imma word poop a lil about some random feelings I got rn! Not rly a rant but hjkgjfkhj still,,,!!!


I really want to enjoy being on this site so I'm constantly trying to surround myself with positive feels and stuff, and sometimes that's really hard!
I always got this feeling that I need to be strong and confident but I feel like that at my core I'm really sensitive and I'm very easily upset... which is why I'm trying to make my surroundings less negative and not let things get to me I guess hjkgjfhdhjg
But sometimes they do and,, I like to trust people, but sometimes I feel like I can't and like I'm easy to exploit when all my intentions are good,,, which makes me angry and bitter and in the end kind of sad and insecure...

I'm just a goof and I easily get thoughts in my head that the things I'm feeling aren't real and that I got reasons to be paranoid and shut myself off from people and not show any parts of me, cuz I feel exposed and like it'll be used against me.. And people think I forget about them or something, but I don't, I'm probably hyperaware and stuff!!!!!! Which imo is worse!! I can't relax!!!!
So making friends is hard and I'm bad at it, cuz I come to a point where I'm not funny anymore and I can't keep moving forward without showing parts of me that I don't want to show.. and then people think I don't care about them or that I'm angry at them n when they call me out I get defensive cause idk if I want anyone to get closer than that!!! 
SMH!!!!!!

So I succ at getting to know people online, and IRL as well I guess, but I'm gonna keep pushing!!! I'm not gonna let the winter depression drag me down, I've already decided that I'm gonna push through it without getting all mopey about it!!!!

I'm kind, and I'm trying my best!!!! And if my best isn't good enough for people, then that's ok! We all have different values and experiences and we just gotta respect that!!! 
Thank you for being patient with me!!<3

Devious Comments

:iconreignkei:
reignkei Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Cheering you on!! Keep doing your best ^^/ :heart:
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:iconspirutts:
Spirutts Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2017  Student Digital Artist
aaaa im super impressed ; v ; i dont want to be that person who is like 'yeah same' but really im going through almost the same thing and i know how scary and confident damaging it can be at times trying to be brave and happy when you're not really for a reason or not
like i do think its best to keep personal issues and feelings away from social media sites for safety and even comfort reasons, but when it gets to the point that it makes you scared of being occasionally open then there is a problem and i'm working through that right now too so like i am really impressed with somethings you've done especially this!

and i get the talking stuff like worrying there isnt more for you to say in a convo and if you can burst into a chat with your own subject aaa that is scary and i can get really boring to talk since tho i comment alot im actually a coward when it comes to talking to peeps one on one tho i like to pretend im good at it hahaha but even tho it confuses me some people do come back to talk and ive ended out making some really good friends because i decided to be just a little brave i used to not comment at all on DA. of course it doesnt always work out even i find some people too over enthusiastic with bad humour  its intimidating and im too closed for them to like even in those situations ive remained good mutuals so even when stuff doesn't work out you still leave it feeling a little bit accomplished 
for setting your own boundaries or being closed or emotional i don't think any of that is a reason for someone to get mad or call you out for something they don't sound like great people its easy to become reliant on someone but when that happens its best to run, we've all met abusive people online or irl i'm sure but your attitude is totally correct to be careful but to keep pushing to improve and not push people away because of others!
its 12am i wrote that all really messy but i hope you get what i mean just well done ; A ;
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:iconoptipus:
Optipus Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah! Optimism is key!!!
that's why my username is such lol
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